Magenta Chicken | No. 6

Questions for the Un Era

We are currently in our Un Era. Unsafe. Unpredictable. Uncertain. It can be crippling. My therapist tells me “anything hysterical is historical,” which tracks, but doesn’t account for that fourth Un: Unprecedented. On my journey to find a way to live as well as I can in the Uns, I created this exercise — part the world-is-ending practicality, part self-indulgent navel gazing, part true north reflection. Maybe it will be helpful to you, too.

Once upon a time, the fabled executive coach Marshall Goldsmith came to Harvard University to speed date with our human resources team.

We were first charged with identifying a problem we had and then zipped around the room collecting advice from our peers. (My stomach is in knots just thinking about the cringe-y HR shit we had to do.) My problem: I love starting new projects, but I have a terrible time finishing them. One wise speed-dating sage said to me, “What does finishing things mean to you?” It is a question I’ve never answered.

Later that afternoon, Marshall met with a small group of us who had been selected to go through the University’s executive coach training program. I remember two things very clearly from that session:

1. Stop trying to prove you are helpful. If someone doesn’t ask for your help or respond to your help, just stop. STOP.

2. He had a person who called or texted him every day to ask him a short list of pre-selected questions. EVERY DAY.

And that’s when I started my own list of daily questions. To ask myself. (If you need that extra accountability, feel free to find yourself a partner.)

This is my current version:

• Who do I need to connect with today?
  This is the most important question of all. Feed and support the people in your chosen circle.

• Am I choosing resting inertia or moving inertia today?
  These are my two modes. Lucky you if you have others.

• What do I need to do for Future Me today?
  Often it’s medical appointments and paying bills and blah blah stuff like that. But its also making the tough decisions about big issues.

• Where is there space for silence? for rest? for reflection? for creativity? for movement? for the outside today?
  These are the things that sustain me. You’ll probably have a different list.

• What on my priority list do I choose to do today?

  I’m not so worried about finishing all the things these days. We have always had limited time, but the Un Era gives us a new set of circumstances to adapt to at an accelerated pace. Best to get clear on what’s important to you. Focus on finishing the right things.
  
  So grab a journal and a cup of your favorite and ask yourself:

  • If we moved away from where we live (or it became an unlivable place) what would I miss being able to do? What places would I miss?
    DO THAT. GO THERE.

  • Where do I want to go and what do I want to do that would be easier to see and do with a functioning body?
    GO THERE. DO THAT.
    (Also, if you have never had physical limitations or been around someone who does or who is simply aging, time to get real. Your body will break down at some point.)

  • If I lost my senses what would I miss? What would I want to see, hear, touch, taste, smell?
    MAKE SURE THOSE THINGS ARE IN YOUR LIFE IN ABUNDANCE.

  • If I could go to ONLY three more new places in my lifetime, what would they be?
    MAKE PLANS TO GO THERE.

  • What is different in my imagined life vs. my real life?
    DO THINGS THAT BRING THOSE TWO WORLDS CLOSER TOGETHER. (BT Dubs, I’m Erica Barry in my imagined life. )

    

After reviewing the list you make above:

• DO THOSE THINGS.

In case you’re curious what some of my answers are, here are a few: the sound of my husband cooking in the kitchen, talking to my niece, hugs from my mom, the feel of Stephen’s furry coat, Scotland.

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Currently reading: Solitaire, Alice Oseman (I am leaning in deep to Heartstopper joy and I do not care what anyone thinks of that.)

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