Juniper Disco | No. 32

Pulling away from the algorithm

Feb 20, 2024

I’ve been trying to capture this one specific feeling.

When I was a child growing up in Pennsylvania, one of my favorite things to do was to visit the main branch of the Lancaster Public Library — a solid Greek Revival-ish building that always felt enormous to me. In the corner were the twisty tower-like stone steps that I climbed with absolute glee to the children’s section on the second floor. In the middle of that room was a CONVERSATION PIT fully carpeted in deep 70s orange-y red. And around that focal point were stacks and stacks and stacks of new worlds to explore.

The experience inside that magical building was pure — no objectives, no lists, no plan. Just a sense of anticipation of what I would discover. I sat on the floor paging through books I chose based on things that caught my eye — the illustration on the cover, interesting colors, the pictures inside. No one told me this book would be good. And I lost track of time in organic exploration.

That is the feeling I want. To experience the world unencumbered. To discover things just simply because they are grouped together in the tangible physical world. No one’s opinion guiding me. And to be so absorbed in something that the world falls away.

I know I’m not alone in this pursuit. There seems to be a murmur in the zeitgeist these days about living a more analog life. There’s a strong interest in pulling away from the algorithm. In discovering yourself away from input from the collective. In pursuing tangible projects — puzzles you can hold, real paper books, games where you move physical things around a physical board. In appreciating objects made by human hands.

I’ve decided this year is going to be an analog discovery year. I’ll start at the library.

I spent most of January in a haze. I slept deeply. And I was on my “low residue diet” for my scans and scopes at the end of the month, which made me grumpy AF. I craved pulpy oranges and bowls of crisp raw spinach and my favorite super seed bread and the walnuts I usually eat every day.

I watched a flock of geese fly across the silver sky above the bay. Divided in two sections, they were the most Ptown group of birds I ever saw. One was clearly the varsity team in perfect V formation (the go-getters, making things happen). The other formed an “s”-y swirl, straggling behind, unorganized and doing the unexpected. Together, they were all headed west, when the rest of the birds of the world were headed south.

The Super Mr. and I spent weeks putting together our 2 Million Dollar Puzzle — the most aggravating and unsatisfying puzzle experience ever. Our reward? $1.

We left the holiday lights up extra long this year. And then I shoved an entire tree’s worth of lights into our Kate Spade crystal bowl filled with disco balls to keep shining throughout the year. It GLOWS.

Bundled up in my warmest layers of insulation, I went outside several mornings in a row, blowing bubbles to see if they would freeze. I just ended up with rosy cheeks and soap on my glasses.

The days of cramming in the sights and staying in a different place every night of a big overseas trip are over. We booked a place with a kitchen and a cozy window seat and a claw tub with a view overlooking an Irish seaside village close to our hearts. There will be train travel and bookstores and pints in pubs and Sunday roasts and brown bread ice cream and scones with orange blossom butter and juniper jam.

My analog year is also my year of reading freedom. After hitting my 1,000 book goal in December, I switched to a page count goal and am reading whatever the hell I want.

Phrases that made me click:

the Japanese concept of yutori + silent reading party (I am desperate for this) + blackberry, grapefruit, and sage-infused water + winter boreal diary + pottiputki + "the light ekphrastic" + Hakomi therapy + Bonne Belle lip gloss and Tickle deodorant

Eu de decaying amaryllis took over for a wee bit. The last two blooms just toppled over this week. I also haven’t done a lick of garden planning. Except for ordering zinnias and asters with names like Tidepool, Crazy Legs, and Sea Star. And some radishes — my third and final attempt to grow these jerks.

I discovered that all of my t-shirts have tiny little holes in the same place — about 6 inches above the hem in the middle front. Apparently, I pull and tug at the bottom of my shirts unconsciously — a discomfort I never recognized leaving a forensic trail of my state of mind.

I’m really good at mental spiraling. Like really good. I had a cancer scare after my annual scans. In the long week between biopsy and results (BENIGN!), I entered that surreal world of What If I Have It? Sponsored by Google (well, actually, Ecosia since I use them as my search engine.) Priorities shifted and things fell off my list — like finishing my nemesis book, Middlemarch. (It’s SO boring, you guys.)

Currently rejecting:

crowds and crowded places (no place is safe, is it?) + the hyping of the opinions of small subsets of America as mandates (e.g., Trump received only 56,260 votes in this year’s Iowa caucuses and that’s a “mandate”??) + political polling (who are they talking to? who picks up that phone call?) + reading books I find boring

Things that are working for me right now:

soufflé yarn sweaters + sipping hot green tea all day from my thermos + Kanoodle (super analog! Bought two for the moms!) + Avène Cicalfate lip balm (wait for the 30% off sales and stock up) + my new Avian Tarot Deck for the year (did you know the hoatzin is the least evolved bird? It is practically a DINOSAUR and has claws on it’s wings so it can climb trees.) + sprinkling cinnamon on my seedy toast

I’ve been thinking a lot about:

This SEEN, READ 2023 list Steven Soderbergh published. I’m drawn to people who cast a wide net into the world of ideas and consume a varied —and often surprising — diet of materials, then process those hundreds of seemingly disparate things, synthesizing them into whatever creative product is their bailiwick.
“How to Follow the Rastafari Path to Wellness.” It’s not just weed. “Ital is more about the lifestyle. It’s about choosing to unplug from some of the trappings of modern society. Ital is ultimately a way to break free of Babylon [the Rastafari word for society] by living on your own terms like Rastas originally did in the hills. And a big part of that is a respect for the environment and for what Mother Nature brings to you.”
This poem, reprinted in our local Provincetown Independent newspaper:

Also, here’s some stuff:

The MYSTERY LINK.
Nice News. Delivers exactly what it states. Nice. News. Like this report on the comeback of BLUE WHALES. I am in awe of how long it takes the tail to appear as it does a deep dive — so much longer than the humpbacks we see around here.
For my fellow Donna Tartt fangirls, an essay written in 1992 — The Year of Our Lord, the year The Secret History was born — and published in the Oxford American. I read The Secret History when I was in my 20s, as one should. When she finally published another book, I stood in line at the Harvard Book Store to get a glimpse and came away with this treasure:
The overview of Tracey Thorne’s Bedsit Disco Queen on the London Review of Books podcast: “Music was something boys wanted to show you, not have you show them.” Reminded me of a boy in high school who insisted I didn’t know who The Psychedelic Furs were. Even after I listed the tracks on Talk Talk Talk. In order.
A Single Act on BBC Sounds. A delightfully funny podcast drama featuring Bill Nighy and Sebastian Croft (who plays Ben on Heartstopper.) The laughs just build once you figure out what’s going on. // Two interviews on the NPR Book of the Day podcast — Paul Lynch, winner of the Booker Prize for Prophet Song, and his anxiety about no longer being anonymous and Samantha Harvey, author of Orbital, who spent her youth researching quotes from astronauts about their time in space.
Minor Detail. A brutal and compact novel that conveys what it feels like to be occupied. Should be required reading on Palestine. // Lightlark. Fun world-building (slightly confusing sometimes, but it’s totally made up so just go with it) and a great example of not paying attention to what other people say on the socials and figuring it out for yourself.
An eclectic mix of fascinating viewing: American Symphony (Netflix). Grammy nominations and cancer treatment juxtaposed in all its messy, human glory. A beautiful documentary about some beautiful people. // The final season of Sort Of (Max). I love this quirky, sometimes cringe-y, always funny story of super fluid Sabi and their Pakistani family and endearing pack of friends. // Mr. and Mrs. Smith (Prime). I was not prepared! Lower key on the action sequences (but when they arrive, they are spectacular). And spot on about modern relationships between two damaged individuals. Donald Glover and Maya Erskine are phenomenal! // Season two of Traitors (Peacock). Alan Cumming broguing “traaaitttttors.” His fabby outfits! And featuring my favorite reality star of all time, CT. (Speaking of CT, check out this little documentary on YouTube, The Challenge: Home Turf, CT’s Town. His redemption arc, his heartbreaking romance with Diem, and his transformation from angry violent asshole to humble hilarious OG with a Dad Bod is the best reality star narrative out there.)
All of a sudden, really engaging thrillers/mysteries are everywhere: Expats (Prime). I know if Nicole Kidman chooses a role, it’s going to be tortured and complex and compelling. This series about the culture of expats in Hong Kong always lays me out flat. // Criminal Record (AppleTV). This is some serious British cop drama magnificence. One of the best I’ve seen (and I watch a lot of them!) // Death and Other Details (Hulu). Mandy Patinkin on a boat in an Agatha Christie-esque locked room mystery. That’s all you need to know. // True Detective: North Country (Max). You are all probably watching this, but, if not, it’s SO creepy. Jodie Foster is killing it!
BritBox tip: if you opt for delayed delivery on Amazon in exchange for digital credit, they will automatically apply your balance to your subscription when the monthly fee is charged. (This is true for any of your streaming subscriptions on Prime.)

Some terrific things I watched there recently: Shetland (BritBox). Scottish brogues, murder mysteries, and the most gorgeous scenery. // Blue Lights (BritBox). Edge of your seat police procedural about cop trainees in Northern Ireland. // Karen Pirie (BritBox). I am obsessed with the moody theme song, “Turning of the Bones” by Arab Strap:
Everything about her space. And her crab bracelet. Full video here.
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