Juniper Disco | No. 31

The year Sheldon Cooper glared at me

Here’s how I measured my 525,600 minutes this year. In 2023, I …

• cut my hair (so much that when my stylist stepped on the pile of shorn locks, she thought it was a towel)

• battled panic attacks with meditation and an oximeter and propranolol and an entirely too expensive cold therapy neck fan and fresh air and mostly just hanging in there

• started and stopped therapy

• quietly reached my 1,000 book goal after 25 years of inconsistent reading

• read 98 books

• lived in those books more than in my real life

• read every banned book I could get my hands on (because, fuck them!)

• was glared at by Sheldon Cooper (Proof. You have to click through most of my Summer 23.2 saved story highlight to get to the video.)

• eliminated excessive noise in my life, literally and figuratively

• started a Feldenkrais practice

• spent 460 hours outside

• took a train trip in a private room, Harry Potter-style

• got my shingles vaccines

• deeply enjoyed something not at all me: a seasonal blended-in-the-English-countryside perfume subscription

• resized my relationship with digital pathways (goodbye Twitter and Goodreads and Google, hello Mastodon and StoryGraph and Ecosia)

• downsized my engagement with Instagram (my former beloved) and only posted on Sundays

• learned how to track otters

• started learning the very difficult skill of providing validation for myself — Do I like this? Am I proud of this? Am I doing this because I want to?

• had almost my entire body scanned or imaged or scoped

• sat in a salt cave (great!!) and tried a sound bath twice (terrible!!)

• glamped in an airstream

• planted snow drops after years of saying I wanted to plant snow drops

• ate papaya and stared at palm trees in the Dominican Republic

• finally got TSA Precheck

  

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I spent weeks secretly swiping milkweed whispers from around town, carrying them home in my pocket, and then pollinating my own back yard with them — a little clandestine conservation work.

Thirty minutes before we were set to leave for vacation, my amaryllis bulbs were delivered. I planted them in ten. I also ordered real bayberry candles this year. Someday I’ll make my own from the wild bayberry leaves that grow in the dunes.

These days, the low winter sun, so exhausted from the last year, can barely raise itself to the sky before it plummets to rest for the long night. It surprises me every year with it’s ability to absolutely blind me, angled just so that my sunglasses are bitterly useless against the glare and I see nothing but brilliance.

Do you talk to yourself? Out loud ? I do. Having to form words slows down my thoughts enough for me to catch them.

The week after Christmas I was masked in my own home — air filters running 24/7 — and sleeping downstairs. I also watched everything moody and broody on BritBox.

Phrases that made me click:

• “stars & glowworms; moonshards & celestial bodies” + “honey rosehip syrup” + “‘If I’m in a Coma’ playlist” (and then started compiling my own, immediately) + “working with the ingredients of my own world” + “climate-positive gear”

My geranium is overwintering in the one south-facing window in our house, a space that she shares with Stephen’s cozy window bed. And she’s blooming spectacularly again. I read the trick is to fertilize her once a month.

The minute I saw this Grease 2 — Girl for All Seasons pin, I ordered it (from Australia!) and hung it on my silver Christmas tree. And after an exhaustive search, I finally found a tea mug that is super obviously made by human hands — it is squished and dripping in glaze.

From the panoramic window of my annual reading retreat, I could see both the sunrise and sunset with the bay stretching the distance between, the town enveloped in a protective hug of blue. You can feel the creative energy that rolls in with each lapping wave on our shores. And if you can stay out of the bars long enough, you can join the heritage of creatives that have drawn from this source for ages.

For the fourth time since we moved here, I got called for jury duty. Random selection, my ass. I postponed until a Thursday in mid-May, hoping for a snow-less commute, early dismissal, and some spring plant shopping on the way home.

My First Day Hike took me through a stretch of land few people have discovered. Vistas and sandy cliffs. Craggy scrub pine forests with Blair Witch feels. Two, TWO! wolf trees and fields of lichens. A brisk wind on my ruddy cheeks.

Currently rejecting:

• my morning peace being disrupted by the sounds of hunting-season-is-here gunshots across the road in the NATIONAL SEASHORE (a forever WTF for me) + taking down my holiday decorations + the resignation of Claudine Gay + that ridiculous Trump commercial where he warns you about the threat of Hamas crossing the Mexican border

Things that are working for me right now:

• my cold season indoor uniform: a super soft turtleneck sweater with fleece-lined leggings and down slippers + colorful twinkle lights + ordering UK editions of books and books from small presses + lying on my back on the floor + using the left-over holiday hard sauce as a boozy buttercream chip dip + smoked honey (drizzled on pizza or a chunk of crusty bread slathered with butter) + my hey!-it-was-FINALLY-on-sale-so-I-bought-it tomato candle from Flamingo Estate

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I’ve been thinking a lot about:

• I loathe inserting this into our good vibes time, but the election is less than 10 months away. Regardless of who wins, whatever happens after that will be bumpy AF.
  
  A few things I’m doing while I can: planning and taking a big trip and several smaller trips before November + slowly building a small stockpile of extra supplies + getting in all my medical appointments for the year before November + supporting the people whose voices I trust + sketching out a Plan B and a Plan C and a Plan D.

• I have a friend whose young daughter fully occupies her space. She stands on tables and climbs under furniture. She whirls and twirls into the corners and folds the space around her.
  
  I am a woman who literally carries a grey box of her most important stuff from room to room when someone else needs to occupy that space. I plan my daily contribution-to-the-household activities around other people’s schedules so I am out of the way. I am quiet when I’d rather be doing. I am doing when I’d rather be quiet. I fold and fold and fold myself into the edges of the space.
  
  The contrast between the girl and the woman is breaking me open. I am determined to reclaim my Whirly Twirly Girl self.

• The Millions: A Year in Reading 2023. A few of my favorites from this year:

  • “I read books with ‘noun & noun’ titles where I knew nothing about the plots, but felt a kinship with every noun.” — Erica Berry

  • “[I] devoured these stories in the way I would consume French onion soup on a chilly day.” — Kukuwa Ashun

  • “As the winter thawed out I read Jaw Bone by Mónica Ojeda (translated by Sarah Booker) and felt like my boobs were being torn off while I was chugging raw milk.” — Melissa Oliva-Lozada
    
    AND she also shares this:
    
    ”I hope in the next year we can make reading as sexy as possible because critical thinking skills are at an all time low. Reading in public is now a public service. If you’re reading this, your new year’s resolution is to look as hot as you can while you read.”

  

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Also, here’s some stuff:

• The MYSTERY LINK. I am SHOOKETH.

• “How to Light the Dark Months: A Manifesto for Winter Light.” One hundred percent our home dynamic: “H, who is utterly unbothered by the ugly wash of a pendant light, will simply flick the light switch when he walks into a room. I will follow him, turning it off. He finds it mystifying that I prefer gloom to light. I accuse him of wanting to live in a supermarket.”

• The show notes from this year’s Calm Christmas podcast are a treasure trove of cozy resources and ideas.

• Rachel Maddow on the SmartLess podcast. Two of the boys talked way too much (the not gay ones), clearly attempting to hide their complete intimidation. She’s brilliant and generous, of course. And Sean should have his own show.

• The “Sith” episode in season two of Star Wars Visions (Disney+). Fifteen minutes of artistry and magic. // The fourth season of For All Mankind (AppleTV). One of my favorite shows of all time is finally back and we are on Mars and my boy, Al Gore, is president. You REALLY need to be watching this show, but start at the beginning and allow for the slow burn to consume you. // Monarch: Legacy of Monsters (AppleTV). Although the series needs way more monster, the story focusing on the organization tracking and researching the titans is quite compelling. And when Godzilla does show up, I cheer wildly! // Leave the World Behind (Netflix). My strong prepper blood compelled me to watch this and take notes. I’m still thinking about it. // A Murder at the End of the World (Hulu). It’s an Agatha Christie locked room murder mystery with a Nordic Noir palette and a dash of Battlestar Galactica plot points. Binge it!

• I read these fantastically absorbing books in this order: Ace of Spades. Mean Girls meets Get Out. // Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow. Thank you, British Visitor, who left this book in the little free library at the resort for me to devour on vacation. I loved it! I loved it! I loved it! // Iron Flame. I generally do not read 800+ page books in mere days, but THIS ONE! OH MY LORD! The fandom has lots to say about this follow-up to Fourth Wing. I cannot stop thinking about it. I have questions! I have theories! And, giirrrlll, do I have FEELINGS!
  
  I also really loved these books: The Serpent and the Wings of Night and The Ashes and the Star-Cursed King and Six Scorched Roses. I do not generally go for vampire stories, but the world-building and the witty banter and the action sequences are fantastic.

The last word, according to Earth. As part of a workshop I took — entitled
“G L I M M E R S” and taught by Northern Irish author, Kerri Ni Docharteigh — we listened to this recording of the earth from NASA. This is what the planet sounds like from space — a chorus of plasma waves:

More Juniper Disco: Website | Instagram
Currently Reading: Minor Detail, Adania Shibli

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One of my intentions for the new year is to write more regularly. You’ll see me in your inbox more frequently this year.